Today we have a guest post from Lucie at Our World and Autism who lifts the lid on what it is like when a parent has Alzheimer’s. Lucie shares her innermost thoughts and the pain of losing the dad she knows.
Watching your Father decline under the evil hands of Alzheimer’s. Looking so vulnerable, yet was once your big strong hero. Seeing him get frustrated at not being able to find the words to explain what he wants to say. Having the same conversations with him every time you see him. Realising that he would never again be able to be left on his own for a long period of time. He is fully dependant on Mum.
Then there’s mum, who is very much unable to cope with the fact that her husband of 40+ years, is fading away quite rapidly. She’s in denial. Completely distraught. In fact, the situation is almost making her lose her mind too. She’s depressed, understandably. She’s starting to not be that Mum anymore, the Mum who would tackle anything thrown in her direction and not bat an eyelid. Quiet, reclusive and such heartbreaking sadness in her eyes. Overwhelmed by what life has become for her. Desperately scared for what the future holds.
So clearly the time has come to be a proper adult. At nearly 40 and a mother myself, I should have been firmly cemented in this role already. But surely you can always fall back and your parents catch you right? Wrong….. so wrong. I can’t do that anymore. My parents need me to catch them now. They’ve done their bit for me and now I need to look after them. It’s frightening.
My head is a mess, I’m scared out of my mind, can I cope? My mental health is not the best normally so to say I am struggling with this would be the biggest understatement in the land.
My parents need to hold my hand now, they need me to guide them through the horrific times that WILL wash over us all in the future. I just hope I can do as good a job as they have for me through my life, I hope I can be strong, I hope I can cope.
Time to be an Adult.