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Thoughts at 37 Weeks Pregnant

January 3rd, 2013

hyperemesis gravidarum

[Shared by Richmond Mummy]

This Friday, I will be 37 weeks pregnant. I will be 37 weeks pregnant, at 37 years of age. The age thing is just incidental, but it occurred to me while thinking about this post that I will indeed be the same number of years old as weeks pregnant, which is worth a note on some level. Depending on how things pan out – I’m planning/sort of hoping for a natural birth if I go into labour naturally, but if I go up to a week overdue I’ll be likely taken in for a c-section – then I have somewhere between up to 3 to 4 weeks to go before baby number two enters the world and I’ll be thrown in at the deep end of juggling a newborn and a toddler… #scaredfaced.

Increasingly I’m finding my mind is racing with a million-and-one thoughts as “that day” gets ever closer and more real. Here are just 37 of those thoughts put down on (cyber)paper:

  1. Will I go into labour naturally I wonder, when I didn’t last time? – every pregnancy is different, so it’s entirely possible, but I just can’t imagine it happening to me… will it?
  2. Will I have a natural birth this time instead of the (emergency) c-section I had before? – if so, will it be excruciatingly painful/tear out my “down below” *winces at thought*
  3. If I don’t have a natural birth and this is possibly my last baby, will I feel disappointed that I didn’t get to experience that or will I just accept it and move on?
  4. Will we be as lucky second time around as we have been first time around and have a healthy baby, with no complications and no dramas?
  5. How will I feel when I hold the new baby in my arms? – will I fall in love with her instantly or will I feel weirdly like I’m sort of cheating on Allegra in some way?
  6. Will I have the capacity to love this new baby with the same all encompassing love that I feel for Allegra?
  7. How will I make sure that Allegra never feels pushed out by the new baby and that I can divide my attention sufficiently to ensure that they both get the best from me?
  8. How can I make sure that baby number two gets the most and the best out of me that I have given to Allegra, when back then I only had one child to focus on?
  9. And how do I do that without completely draining the lifeblood from myself every day and forgetting who I am as a person?
  10. Will I remember what to do with a newborn? – when to feed her and how often; what the different colour poo means; how to soothe her with a toddler hanging off my leg
  11. Will I be able to cope with the daytime when in those early weeks/months you spend a lot of time awake in the nighttime?
  12. Will I know when it is day and when it is night…?
  13. Will I end up walking into Richmond town centre in my pyjamas and slippers? – will I even care when I realise that I have?
  14. Will the tiredness overwhelm me and leave me irritable, snapping at everybody and everything, until I hate myself and admit defeat?
  15. How will I cope that first day at home when I am fully in charge of a toddler, a newborn, a challenging and irritable cat… will we all be alive come 6pm?
  16. Will the cat decide living with a newborn & toddler is definitely not something he signed up to, increasingly torment us with continual meowing and attack us in the small-hours with a baseball bat?
  17. Will I once and for all accidentally on purpose leave the backdoor open so our indoor cat has the chance to make a break for freedom (and leave us all in peace…)
  18. Will it be possible to avoid our house descending into a pit of filth and untidiness when I am juggling two children and the housekeeping takes a serious backseat?
  19. How will Allegra fare as a big sister? – she seems very fond of babies, but how will she be when there is a baby in our house all the time, with her mummy?
  20. Will I forget to shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair… will I age overnight…?
  21. Will I be able to leave the house fully dressed with two children, also fully dressed and clean(ish), and travel somewhere, anywhere, beyond the end of the road?
  22. Will I become over-dependant on coffee?
  23. Will I become over-dependant on wine?
  24. Will I self-medicate with Maltesers?
  25. Can I ever see a time when I’ll be able to fit into skinny jeans again?
  26. What if the new baby cries a lot but refuses to take to a dummy?!
  27. What if being at home with two children is so hard and so difficult to cope with that I bring forward my maternity leave and go rushing back to work as the easier option?!
  28. And then realise that work isn’t an easier option and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard-place, but having to juggle work and baby and toddler and home and me…?!
  29. Will I find the time to do anything for my self that doesn’t involve babies/toddlers/ laundry/crafting/cooking/wiping bottoms/bath-time/wiping snotty noses?
  30. How will my relationship with Richmond Daddy fare under the pressure of two children and my generally grouchiness (am anticipating I may well be grouchy, a lot)?
  31. Will I ever get to go to karaoke again before the year 2031?
  32. Can I ever justify buying an impractical pair of shoes again before the year 2031?
  33. Am I inherently a selfish human being for thinking about karaoke and impractical shoes when I should possibly be reading up on attachment parenting….?!
  34. Will Sookie ever stop roaming Bon Temps in the middle of the night in a pastel sundress and wake up to the fact that Eric is the hottest vamp alive (or dead)?
  35. Is it ill-advised to take 20 squirts of Rescue Remedy Night when pregnant when it says you should have 3 (actually doesn’t mention anything about whether or not it is safe to take at all while pregnant, but I’m hoping they’d say if it wasn’t…)?
  36. Should I…. erm… shave or wax before the 25th Jan? – is it more or less hygienic to do so in, ummm, “preparation”? or will the midwives think I’m slutty if I do….?
  37. Is everything going to be okay and will we all make it through 2013 in one piece?!



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