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The Confession

January 3rd, 2013

dieting and health eating stories

[Shared by Mummy Central]

I am fat.

No, I don’t mean festively plump. Or a little heavy after Christmas. Or carrying a few extra pounds.

Fat.

There, I said it.

And since 2013 is the year I’m going to turn 40 (fat and 40 unless I do something drastic) it’s time to come out.

Out of the fridge, mostly.

But also out in public, doing this

I thought about starting up another blog and writing anonymously.

But that would give me a get-out-of-jail-free card, wouldn’t it?

I could fail – and walk away unscathed. Unashamed. Still kidding myself.

And I have walked away from many diets.

Some of them were fads. Unrealistic.

Others were just too easy to fall off the wagon.

At slimming classes, I rewarded myself with a day off the diet, following the weekly weigh-in.

After a while that day off turned into 2. Then a long weekend.

Before I knew it, I’d be maintaining my weight by stuffing my face for half the week, and dieting for the other half. Not good and very frustrating.

It’s time to face up to the fact there’s no easy way.

Women in my predicament all know what we have to do – eat less and exercise more – but none of us want to do it.

I’ve hoped for a magic solution. I’ve done the milkshakes, the meals-delivered-to-your-door, the cutting out carbs until you’re dreaming of bread….

It’s time to stop dicking around.

So without the aid of a personal trainer, or a nutritionist, or a plastic surgeon (if only!), I’m going to do it the way real women with real lives do it.

While feeding hungry kids and a 6ft 3in tall husband who believes I can eat the same portions he can.

Using my basic cooking skills, which usually involve bunging something in the microwave.

I’ll have to learn as I go, make some mistakes no doubt, have good weeks and bad.

But today is five months to my birthday.

Roughly 20 weeks.

I doubt I’ll reach my ultimate target, but I’d like to feel a lot better about myself by then.

 

scales help

So what is my target?

I look healthy and comfortable at a size 12.

Of course, when I was younger and I was that size, I thought I was fat!

Why? Because magazines constantly talk about celebrities who have gone from a size 6 or an 8 to a “curvy size 10”.

Because when Bridget Jones complains she’ll “always be just a little bit fat”, the movie shows her tipping the scales at just over 9st.

(Geez Renee, I’d rather look like you as Bridget than the Hollywood stick version…)

renee big and small

Putting a number on my total weight loss is not something I want to do just now – that would seem such an enormous mountain to climb (or a mountainous midriff to lose!)

But I’m currently around a size 16 (sometimes an 18 to fit the chesticles).

By the time my birthday comes on June 2nd, I’d like to be a size 14 – a small 14 if I can manage it.

Well on my way to that magic 12, and feeling much happier in my own skin.

 

diet food

How will I do it?

By putting in my basic details to this online calculator I’ve learned that my body needs around 2061 calories per day to maintain my current weight (God almighty, I’m more of a gannet than I thought!)

So I’m going to start by consuming around 1500 calories a day, and trying to fit exercise into my daily routine.

I will reduce my calorie intake as my weight loss slows down.

I’ll need to write down everything I eat.

I’m not cutting anything out – that’s a sure-fire route to failure.

If I want a treat, I’ll just have to count it in, or save my daily calories to have it.

 

So there it is. That’s the plan.

And I’m so desperate to stick to my goals this time, I’m willing to humiliate myself by sharing with you the stark realities of what I’ve become.

IMG_2222 IMG_2228IMG_2223

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually shed a few tears after Mr G took the pictures of me. Because this is not how I see myself.

Like a sort of body dysmorphic in reverse, I’ve fooled myself into thinking I appear thinner.

But this is the ultimate “photo on the refrigerator” image, to keep me on the straight and narrow, when I feel like reaching for the biscuit tin.

I’m using the blog this year to chart my highs and lows on the road to the woman I want to be.

I’d love your support.

I’m bracing myself for all comments (sorry if I’ve put anybody into therapy by exposing myself).

And I’m praying this “before” picture will have an “after” image I can be proud of by the end of this year.



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4 Comments

  1. Posted 4 January 2013 at 6:04 am | Permalink

    Nothing humiliating about that photo – you have a beautiful body. However, I totally get the discomfort of not looking how you believe yourself to be. Lots of strength for your new eating campaign.

  2. Posted 4 January 2013 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    Have you heard of MyFitnessPal? It’s a free site where you can track your calories in and out daily by recording all your food and drink and logging your exercise. I swear by it. You might like to try it yourself.

    Don’t go for more than 1lb loss per week tho – the calories end up too low and that can actually cause more harm than good.

  3. Posted 4 January 2013 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    I love it when people say “Screw this! I’m going to take charge and change my life for the better!”

    I personally just find it so much easier to cut out certain foods completely rather than endlessly count calories, but I know everyone needs their own game plan and not the same strategy works for all.

    Here’s to a healthy 2013 and thereafter a healthy foreverafter! :)

  4. Posted 4 January 2013 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    I wish you all the luck in the world with it. It’s never easy to admit that we need to change and if you don’t managed to get to where you want to be, we’ll all still love you for trying.

    x