I have a problem. My fuse is a bit short of late.
I have never really been the best at controlling my temper, although funnily enough I always managed it in a professional environment, just not in my personal life as my long-suffering family would attest. In fact, my explosive anger is a large reason why I was asked to leave home once I had finished college.
Somehow, until recently I have always managed to control it around H. As I have recently written, I have a lot going on at the moment, a lot of stress which not only makes my depression worse but manifests itself in physical ways too, namely rather severe IBS, even though I avoid the trigger foods.
Unfortunately, much to my shame, around 4-6 weeks ago now (I can’t remember exactly) I shouted at H. Loudly. Loud enough to make him cry. And so, of course I then started crying too. I have done it a couple of times since as well.
I hope it is largely a good sign that we got to over two-years old without me actually shouting at him, although there have been lots of firm, slightly raised words had; I am not an angel! I am sure matters aren’t helped by the fact that he has, on the whole, dropped his nap during the day and it is utterly pointless doing any housework or cooking when he is awake. Why is it, the times you WANT your toddler to sit on the sofa and watch Peppa Pig or Thomas the Tank Engine, they decide Mummy/Daddy can’t possibly leave them alone, even for a minute?
I know this is normal toddler behaviour and I am sure reminding myself of that hundreds of times a day is what has helped me last so long but I need to do better. I know he doesn’t deliberately wind me up but sometimes it is all too easy to lose sight of that and just shout “MUMMY IS BUSY!”.
So, when you are close to losing it, what do you do?
As ever, thank you for reading.